If my film makes one more person
miserable, I'll feel I've done my job.
Right now it's only a notion, but I
think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn
it into an
When I was kidnapped, my parents
snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket
watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I am thankful for
when milk comes out of my nose.
I had a terrible education. I attended
a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
If only God would give me some clear
sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
I believe there is something out there
watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw
their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
My one regret in life is that I am not
Most of the time I don't have much
fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't
want to be there when it happens.
I don't want to achieve immortality
through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
What if everything is an illusion and
nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Some guy hit my fender, and I told
him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people ‒
and kill ’em.
About Sex and Marriage
I'm such a
good lover because I
practice a lot on my own.
Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody
in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
The difference between sex and death
is, with death you can do it alone and nobody’s going to make fun of
Bisexuality immediately doubles your
chances for a date on Saturday night.
Marriage is the death of hope.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is
I tended to place my wife under a